Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The warm fuzzies..............



It's getting late. Gentry is asleep at my feet. I never thought a snoring dog could make me giggle so much. Alas, here he is snoring and here I am gigling.
I've been deliriously happy the past few days. It's amazing how finding purpose for your life, finding out why you are the way you are, can make everything right. I'm glad God designed me with a camera in mind.
Oh and speaking of Gentry, someone asked me the other day how big he is now.
I think this picture of him with my mom speaks volumes.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Captain Confidence's Coat Jacket

I've been up since early. I'm starting to believe that sunrise is solely dependent upon when I crack open my eyelids. You're welcome world. Light at the bat of an eye lash. Amazing. In an attempt to find out if this theory is indeed true I have spent the past few minutes opening and closing my eyes. I have to test my hypothesis. Turns out I do not control the sun. Humph. Point one to the world. At least it has one good thing going for it.

I need a dose of honesty shot right into my left arm. I choose left because it's closer to my heart. Maybe I needed it right between the eyes? I've been filling like I really do control the sun. Master of Light. No, not in that schizophrenic kind of way, but maybe in that narcissistic kind of way. I've been laboring under the impression(self induced I must mention) that maybe for where I'm at, I'm the best. Even as I write that I feel ashamed for becoming such an ego maniac. I'm not really an ego maniac. I've never been that girl. When you compliment me, it makes me blush. It really does. Who am I for you to notice me? I'm just here doing my own thing. Ah. It's been an unstable confidence. Yesterday I fell. I saw something that proved me wrong. Amen. Finally. I've sewn myself quite the confidence suit. I've used fibers formed from ego manic thread and unchecked narcissism twine. That confidence suit isn't a bad thing on it's own. It's nice to wear some days, it's just that, you need to sport those humble clothes too. I really am just a jeans and t-shirt girl at heart: common, unassuming, forgettable.

So how do you balance ego, confidence, narcissism, humility, and humble notions? How do you tame confidence? You have to have some of all of it. I do anyway. I think what I want is the confidence to say: "This is what I do. Either you like it and get, or you don't, and I'm okay with that." I just want to show up and be present . Yet, there is this voice inside and it's screaming for someone to see the quiet me, for someone to get it, for someone to feel it, for someone to know it because it's them too. It feels hypocritical somehow.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I feel a little deflated. Flat. Knocked off my feet. Ego eaten on a dry eggo. Ah geez.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Perfect Day................A definition(perhaps a run on sentence)






Today: cutting work, riding in a car all day, eating, girls, laughter, camera, pictures, captured moments, steep mountain walks,Devil Anse Hatfield, spring snow and holding hands with my baby................well, more like his tiny hand held my finger, but it might as well have been my heart.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I AM

Blessed.......................everyday, every minute, every second and nanosecond therein.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

My house is quiet for the moment and all I can think about is photographs.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Diamonds are a grils best friend.......................

We played baseball yesterday............
We kind of played baseball yesterday.............
Okay, so we got out our gloves and tossed the ball around at the baseball park yesterday.
The grass was green, my glove was 13 years old and smelled like past springs, hand sweat, and a combination of the outfield and dugouts.
Gentry ran around pooping everywhere.
Two little boys stopped to watch. I'm sure they've never seen such a sight.