Thursday, September 27, 2007

Alarm Clock...............

The best part about waking up at 4:30 in the morning is possibility. Well, possibly. Some mornings the best part about waking up at 4:30 in the morning is going right back to sleep. This morning though, it was possibility.

Friday, September 21, 2007

A pondering I will go................

Is knowledge and truth, in essences, the same thing?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Heavy lifting outside of photoshop

I have felt like I have not had an actual thought for two weeks. I have been craving conversation. I have been salivating for a moment to converse about. I've never felt like I've had the ability to invent small talk big enough to be worth actually talking about in a small way. Thank goodness other people are better at than I am or there are days I feel sure I'd never utter a word. I hate the way small talk just passes around a circle like a game of duck, duck, goose. I think it's because, like I said, some days I don't feel like I have anything small to say. I am heavy. I think this has nothing to do with past consumed cheeseburgers or fries, but because I really am chockablock full of heavy thoughts.I tuck them away behind witty comments because I'm not sure the world is always ready for me to be anything other than the funny, silly girl.

I digress. I went to a movie tonight that gave me more than I had hoped for. After it was over, it weighed heavy on my mind. I was having thoughts so heavy that I didn't think I could physically remove my backside from the cushy seat. I walked out of the theater fogged with thought. Emotions were coming to me so quickly. I thought they would just spin away just as quickley, but they hung around until I actually felt lethargic with thought. I carried these emotions and thoughts out of the theater with me. I got in my car, my head felt so dizzy. I got home, but I'm not sure how I got there. I pull into the garage. I put my car into park, I hear a loud thud. It takes me an entire minute, 60 full seconds to realize that I have parked in my landlord's giant wooden shelf. Thank goodness for rubber bumpers.

I'm staring into the giant wooden shelf in the garage thinking about the fact that I am such a silly, naive, selfish girl. I should put my car in reverse and detach it from the shelf, but I just think about how most days I go about the world in my little bubble. Some days I don't really think about a world outside of mine. Some days I complain about mundane things. Some days I think I complain just to hear my voice, to feel the heat of my breath rush past my lips. Most days I forget that I've lead a blessed life. Tonight a movie reminded me that I haven't said thank you God in a while. Watching "The Kingdom", I was thankful that I have been given my life. I'm thankful that for now I don't know what war sounds like, feels like, smells like, taste like. I'm thankful that I don't have to decide who walks what path in life.

I'm going to bed. I'm sure I still be thinking about people that have sacrificed things that I can't even imagine sacrificing. I'm going to bed blessed.