I've been up since early. I'm starting to believe that sunrise is solely dependent upon when I crack open my eyelids. You're welcome world. Light at the bat of an eye lash. Amazing. In an attempt to find out if this theory is indeed true I have spent the past few minutes opening and closing my eyes. I have to test my hypothesis. Turns out I do not control the sun. Humph. Point one to the world. At least it has one good thing going for it.
I need a dose of honesty shot right into my left arm. I choose left because it's closer to my heart. Maybe I needed it right between the eyes? I've been filling like I really do control the sun. Master of Light. No, not in that schizophrenic kind of way, but maybe in that narcissistic kind of way. I've been laboring under the impression(self induced I must mention) that maybe for where I'm at, I'm the best. Even as I write that I feel ashamed for becoming such an ego maniac. I'm not really an ego maniac. I've never been that girl. When you compliment me, it makes me blush. It really does. Who am I for you to notice me? I'm just here doing my own thing. Ah. It's been an unstable confidence. Yesterday I fell. I saw something that proved me wrong. Amen. Finally. I've sewn myself quite the confidence suit. I've used fibers formed from ego manic thread and unchecked narcissism twine. That confidence suit isn't a bad thing on it's own. It's nice to wear some days, it's just that, you need to sport those humble clothes too. I really am just a jeans and t-shirt girl at heart: common, unassuming, forgettable.
So how do you balance ego, confidence, narcissism, humility, and humble notions? How do you tame confidence? You have to have some of all of it. I do anyway. I think what I want is the confidence to say: "This is what I do. Either you like it and get, or you don't, and I'm okay with that." I just want to show up and be present . Yet, there is this voice inside and it's screaming for someone to see the quiet me, for someone to get it, for someone to feel it, for someone to know it because it's them too. It feels hypocritical somehow.
I need a dose of honesty shot right into my left arm. I choose left because it's closer to my heart. Maybe I needed it right between the eyes? I've been filling like I really do control the sun. Master of Light. No, not in that schizophrenic kind of way, but maybe in that narcissistic kind of way. I've been laboring under the impression(self induced I must mention) that maybe for where I'm at, I'm the best. Even as I write that I feel ashamed for becoming such an ego maniac. I'm not really an ego maniac. I've never been that girl. When you compliment me, it makes me blush. It really does. Who am I for you to notice me? I'm just here doing my own thing. Ah. It's been an unstable confidence. Yesterday I fell. I saw something that proved me wrong. Amen. Finally. I've sewn myself quite the confidence suit. I've used fibers formed from ego manic thread and unchecked narcissism twine. That confidence suit isn't a bad thing on it's own. It's nice to wear some days, it's just that, you need to sport those humble clothes too. I really am just a jeans and t-shirt girl at heart: common, unassuming, forgettable.
So how do you balance ego, confidence, narcissism, humility, and humble notions? How do you tame confidence? You have to have some of all of it. I do anyway. I think what I want is the confidence to say: "This is what I do. Either you like it and get, or you don't, and I'm okay with that." I just want to show up and be present . Yet, there is this voice inside and it's screaming for someone to see the quiet me, for someone to get it, for someone to feel it, for someone to know it because it's them too. It feels hypocritical somehow.
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